This resonated deeply, Mark. Found a bunch of questions in here that I’m taking back to my journal to answer for myself (especially since I've just embarked on my own startup journey) - thank you!
Fantastic post, Mark. A lot of it resonated with me, having been through my own founder arc and discovered it wasn’t hitting the way I’d imagined. My wish for you in this next phase of exploration is to *have fun* with it and be open to the idea that taking all that pressure off yourself is where the journey really begins. That’s what I’ve discovered, anyway. Your head is already there from the sound of it, but if you’re anything like me, you’ll need to frequently remind yourself of that fact. 😆 Looking forward to reading about how it all goes.
Beautiful parallel that you draw between relationships and dreams or ambitions in "feeling okay without them can help us say yes to the right one." I got a lot better at relationships after I gave them up for a solid year, during which time I got a LOT more comfortable being with *myself.*
Respect the clarity and the courage to listen to yourself. There's nothing particularly, totally unique or amazing about being a tech founder. Far from it, really. It's perhaps an even harder grind than other types of entrepreneurship—and so unless you *really* really _really_ love computers, and software, why go there?
I went diagonally from tech very early on because, despite the allure, I didn't want the costume either.
Even the business that I did start was at least as much "no" as yes, but at least it was mine, and, despite my mixed feelings, it was unique. Obscure, and hard to explain, but at least I wasn't one of a million others doing the same thing. For me, that mattered.
Still, I was conflicted just about run of it (15 years). During that time, and much moreso afterwards, I gradually accumulated enough experience listening to myself to make choices more with my soul.
Now, while it still pains me to give up certain dreams, because I have so many, I know that there's no way that I could ever get even close to doing all the things that I might like to do, and I have come to enjoy the moment of moving on, of giving something up intentionally, which I've written about here:
Loved this...and felt it hard. Why don't I do what I say I want to be doing? Is it because I'm lackign discipline? Is it because I give in to resistance? Or is it because I've got so much ego wrapped up on what I told people (and myself) what I was. Seems like letting go of that grip on identity is how we'll figure out what it is we really want to be doing...even if it's what we thought the whole time.
Love this parallel between jumping into a relationship and jumping into a dream because of social pressure / fear of the void vs genuine stoke. I, too, let go of the dream of being a unicorn founder back in the day. There's so much prestige associated with this job, but when I actually tried to do it I realized that I was a huge ball of stress. It's a lot better, for my personality, to have a steady job that has clear boundaries when it's over. Here's a good song: https://youtu.be/LXLHYAqHBTA?feature=shared. "some people like business, so people like numbers, some people grow authentic heirloom cucumbers. Some people feel enslaved when they have a boss. Some people without one feel totally lost. To make this world work it takes all different kinds." Mark Manson talks about a culture of exceptionalism. I think a big arc for me in the last couple months has been giving up on exceptionalism. It's okay to be average, to live in the middle. perhaps, there may be a reason the word middle is in the title of your newsletter :)
Great post Mark! Love reading about your reflections here.
And your writing is 👏.
Particularly liked this phrasing: "I won’t become a founder just for the costume"
Dear Mark,
Your post reflects your courage and wisdom.
May your path become illuminated.
With admiration,
🙏
Very brave to share this. Nice to know I’m not alone in this internal conflict of letting go of dreams.
This resonated deeply, Mark. Found a bunch of questions in here that I’m taking back to my journal to answer for myself (especially since I've just embarked on my own startup journey) - thank you!
Fantastic post, Mark. A lot of it resonated with me, having been through my own founder arc and discovered it wasn’t hitting the way I’d imagined. My wish for you in this next phase of exploration is to *have fun* with it and be open to the idea that taking all that pressure off yourself is where the journey really begins. That’s what I’ve discovered, anyway. Your head is already there from the sound of it, but if you’re anything like me, you’ll need to frequently remind yourself of that fact. 😆 Looking forward to reading about how it all goes.
Beautiful parallel that you draw between relationships and dreams or ambitions in "feeling okay without them can help us say yes to the right one." I got a lot better at relationships after I gave them up for a solid year, during which time I got a LOT more comfortable being with *myself.*
Respect the clarity and the courage to listen to yourself. There's nothing particularly, totally unique or amazing about being a tech founder. Far from it, really. It's perhaps an even harder grind than other types of entrepreneurship—and so unless you *really* really _really_ love computers, and software, why go there?
I went diagonally from tech very early on because, despite the allure, I didn't want the costume either.
Even the business that I did start was at least as much "no" as yes, but at least it was mine, and, despite my mixed feelings, it was unique. Obscure, and hard to explain, but at least I wasn't one of a million others doing the same thing. For me, that mattered.
https://open.substack.com/pub/bowendwelle/p/12-wired-tired-fired
Still, I was conflicted just about run of it (15 years). During that time, and much moreso afterwards, I gradually accumulated enough experience listening to myself to make choices more with my soul.
Now, while it still pains me to give up certain dreams, because I have so many, I know that there's no way that I could ever get even close to doing all the things that I might like to do, and I have come to enjoy the moment of moving on, of giving something up intentionally, which I've written about here:
https://open.substack.com/pub/bowendwelle/p/the-last-time
Loved this...and felt it hard. Why don't I do what I say I want to be doing? Is it because I'm lackign discipline? Is it because I give in to resistance? Or is it because I've got so much ego wrapped up on what I told people (and myself) what I was. Seems like letting go of that grip on identity is how we'll figure out what it is we really want to be doing...even if it's what we thought the whole time.
Keep 'em coming!
Love this parallel between jumping into a relationship and jumping into a dream because of social pressure / fear of the void vs genuine stoke. I, too, let go of the dream of being a unicorn founder back in the day. There's so much prestige associated with this job, but when I actually tried to do it I realized that I was a huge ball of stress. It's a lot better, for my personality, to have a steady job that has clear boundaries when it's over. Here's a good song: https://youtu.be/LXLHYAqHBTA?feature=shared. "some people like business, so people like numbers, some people grow authentic heirloom cucumbers. Some people feel enslaved when they have a boss. Some people without one feel totally lost. To make this world work it takes all different kinds." Mark Manson talks about a culture of exceptionalism. I think a big arc for me in the last couple months has been giving up on exceptionalism. It's okay to be average, to live in the middle. perhaps, there may be a reason the word middle is in the title of your newsletter :)